7 rude sounding places in the UK

1. Scratchy Bottom, Dorset
2. Crapstone, Devon
3. Dicks Mount, Suffolk
4. Twatt, Orkney
5. Lickfold, West Sussex
6. Titty Ho, Northamptonshire
7. Sandy Balls, Hampshire

7 ways to cook eggs

1. Boiled Egg - Place whole egg in boiling water and wait until cooked
2. Poached Egg - Cooked in a poacher and simmered over boiling water
3. Scrambled Egg - Beaten together and then fried slowly whilst continuously stirring
4. In a Sling - Recipe from ancient Egyptian shepherds. Put egg in a sling and spin so the friction of the air heats til cooked
5. Roast Egg - Put the whole egg in the oven and roast it
6. Deep Fied Egg - Scottish recipe best served with Irn Bru
7. Omlette - Beat eggs and shallow fry turning once

7 movie titles which have been changed in the French release

1. Une vie volée (A stolen life) - Girl Interrupted
2. Les dents de la mere (The teeth of the sea) - Jaws
3. La Mort aux trousses (Death at ones heels) - North by North West
4. Edward aux mains d'argent (Edward with the silver hands) - Edward Scissorhands
5. L'Expérience interdite (The forbidden experiment) - Flatliners
6. La Main qui tue (The hand that kills) - Idle Hands
7. Intusion (Intrusion) - The Astronauts Wife

7 points of interest in Sydney complete with Google maps

And now live from our Sydney correspondent... "Google maps have been to Sydney. Made a big deal out of when they were flying over the city...and then changed the schedule. Here are 7 points of interest. The Dam is probably an old shot, so water levels will be lower than it shows."

1. Sydney Opera House
2. Homebush Bay - 2000 Olympics Site
3. Warragamba Dam. Note the spillway for the once in a thousand year flood. Not very useful in a drought.
4. Bondi Beach
5. HMAS Success at Garden Island
6. Fort Denison. Built to protect the harbour (it's near the Opera House) but never fired its guns in anger.
7. National Maritime Museum, Darling Harbour - the ship is the HMAS Vampire (decom.)

7 ridiculous facial hair styles

1. Memili Rüstüoglu - Moustache Freestyle
2. Jürgen Burkhardt - Imperial Moustache
3. Fritz Schädel - Goatie Freestyle
4. Vier Stunden - Full Beard Freestyle
5. Hans Gassner - Full Beard Freestyle
6. Karl-Heinz Hille - Imperial Moustache
7. Heinz Christofel - Full Beard Freestyle

7 of the most common tech support issues I face

1. "I can't collect email" - Probably just as well.
2. "Have you changed my password?" - Yeah, because that's something I do for fun!
3. "Is there a problem with the email server as I haven't had much mail today?" - No, you're just unpopular!
4. "My computer keeps rebooting" - Yeah... And?
5. "My Blackberry won't collect mail" - That's because it's a small fruit!!
6. "Someone sent me a file and I can't open it" - That's because you're shit!
7. "Is the Internet down?" - No comment!

7 things our cat doesn't like

1. Foil.
2. Being held upside-down.
3. Bekie not being home when he's eating dinner.
4. Vacuum cleaners.
5. Wearing my beanie.
6. Delays.
7. Other cats.