1. Box of Pinot Grigio
2. A Good Chicken for Roasting
3. King Edward Potatoes
4. Pots of Heaven
5. King of Shave
6. Bruschetta
7. HP21 for a D2460

1. Graft your 2 cactus plants between May and October.
2. Choose a cactus as a stock plant (the bottom portion of the graft) and slice off the top with a sharp knife. Leave the cactus in the pot.
3. Slice off a section of the scion (the cactus to grafted onto the top) eg. ruby ball.
4. Join the two cacti together by lining up the cylindrical parts, the scion and the root stock.
5. Match the cambium layers (the vein system of the plant which is found just beneath the skin) on at least one side of the graft.
6. Hold the graft in place with one hand and place rubber bands around the grafted scion, and across the bottom of the pot to support the graft while the edges heal and leave the rubber bands in place for at least 24 hours.
7. Remove the rubber bands, but be very careful with the grafted cactus until the wounds heal completely, approx 2-3 months

1. So we've been sent the wrong god?
2. I need to eat something before I eat something
3. Today's gift is a turkey baster
4. I have a 100% cactus kill rate
5. We own a mutant moon ball
6. That's it! We need a mouse mold
7. It appears we have a pink wind tomorrow

1. Dionne Warwick
2. Vikki Carr
3. Dusty Springfield
4. Marlene Dietrich
5. Cilla Black
6. Sandie Shaw
7. Atomic Kitten

1. I seem to have lost my P60
2. I had to phone my old employer to get my P60 information
3. I had to request a PIN which took 7 days to arrive by post despite filling it out online???!?
4. 7 days later a letter arrived with... not my pin! It was confirmation of my UID which they gave me when I signed up
5. The PIN (which eventually turned up) was not a number but a series of letters! Note to HM Gov, look up the definition of PIN (especially the N part)
6. It was a lot easier to fill out than I had feared
7. I actually overpaid my tax last year!Yay rebate!

1. ...get human humour
2. ...play fetch
3. ...clean up after himself
4. ...dance
5. ...understand the concept of time
6. ...earn his keep
7. ...shut up...ever!