7 ways to tell a 'tourist' in the countryside

1. They have no concept of sundown
2. They are wearing floral wellies and inappropriate trainers in the winter
3. They look horrified that there is mud everywhere
4. They start to panic when they realise that there are no street lights
5. They wear inappropriate clothing for the conditions (white coats and trousers in the muddy woods in late winter)
6. They don't move more than 200m from where they left the car
7. They set up tables and chairs next to their car for a picnic and then drive off after they've eaten
8. They carry a guidebook for a forest or park and stick rigidly to the waymarked routes